This and That

Today is my 43rd Birthday but it is also the 6th anniversary of the day I conceived Tegan and Taylor I know the exact monment it happened Randy and I were walking through the parking lot to Fred Meyers and I could feel their little presence enter my body ....No we weren't doing the deed in the parking lot I just know that thats when I felt my ovulation and the meet up was made ...I have my temp chart saved in their baby book ...
                     Why does life have to be like this Celebrate and sympathy at the same time ..thats how2 grief gets its almost like second nature to enjoy something while your also sad in side too ...its odd and I hope its normal or that would mean I am not normal ....2 weekends ago I had my first face contact with twin little girls at a birthday party ... I would say I did ok with it I am getting better as the years go by on not wishing everyone who has twins and their twins off the face the earth that's an awful feeling to have to and I hate myself for being so envious or them and sad for what I am missing ...then I feel guilt because I love Rylan so so very much and he would not be here if they had lived ..Its a awful feeling that I can usually just push aside until its right in my face I guess you would have to walk in my shoes to know what it truly feels like ... Sorry for the sad post but that's my life happy, with sadness always in there ....
                     Ok for my new favorite song this week I feel this way about my friends and family both here and the ones only in my heart...