Making changes to my blog

I have made my bog open to the public and am making changes to hopefully get more traffic and earn some gooogle adsence moola I am hoping to start makeing daily posts again I am starting to feel better I think ...again...I need to find m y place in this world where I fit and who fits in with me..I am not the same person I was when I started this blog ...I am not the same person I was before I got sick and I am not the same person I was before December 5th 2010 when my youngest brother took his life by gunshot a suicide at only 34 years old I so wish I had did somethings diffrently and I think/hope he knows/knew how much I love/loved him see everything seems to have the / in it these days..Its as if the world is a different planet and the way people feel about me, and I, them, is all different now 'again' people really don't know how good they really have it and it just makes me want to puke!!!...
Grief,stress,illness and death changes you and I would like to say I am growing to be a stronger person, but somedays I feels so weak !
Rylan is learning now what Andrew learned after I lost the Babies that I cry alot.. and I usually cry in the car..... so, I wonder, does this make me stronger or weaker ?? I am not sure !!!