cub scouts...derby race

Rylan is now going to be a cub scout he raced his first pinewood derby today it was fun.he even got a couple 2nd places out of the 6 round race totals ...of course daddy did most of the work but Rylan and I did stuff too...I was never able to have these moments with Andrew so its a new experience for us ...we are really trying to give Rylan the best childhood he can have with stuff and its giving us those experiences too...See when you have children with pretty severe disablilities you don't get to do all the normal stuff that kids would be doing at different ages...I want him to have the most perfect childhood as possible..I want him to not have worry or cares in his world till he is older and even then I want his worrys to be what color should he paint his car or should he play guns or baseball or soccer ...you know normal little boy fun things...we are very blessed to live on a road with good fun kids that love playing in the tree fort and don't have a lot of stress and worries in their lives,  just kids who want to.run and play and eat snacks ...
      our pollywogs have hatched and we watched them swimming around in the baby memorial garden pond so I am betting catching frogs is going to be a big hit again this summer...
             Randy and I live our lives to make things good for the kids I just need to get my white picket fence put up in the front of the house and I feel my dream will have been completed for this time in my life ...and will bring so much joy to my heart that me a 15 year old teen mother to a very sick little girl.to a 17 year old mom with a son who will always have the mind of a child to a mom.who buried not just 1 but 3 of my most wanted beloved babies..Me, I will get my white picket fence..
.I have done well ..there were many different road I could of gone down but I choose this one the one that is about my children my husband and my family ..
     my heart has been broken and I have decided that instead of crying about it everyday because I am honestly devastated over a private issue ...I am looking at it as a time to learn about me and reflect on my life and hopefully it is a learning experience that will make me into a better person in the long run ...sometimes things don't work the way I want and it gives me a chance to make the world at least my little place in the world a better place and more understanding and compassionate place ...I wish some things were different, but they are not ..I am sure I will have more tear filled days... but I have done what I could do and just need to accept things are the way they are because for what ever the reason I am supposed to.learn and grow and that's what life is about learning and growing even when the lesson is hard..I will come out the other side and will pat myself on my back and " yes this was hard but you came through it) but just for the record my heart is broke!

UPDATE I was just reading my comments and wanted to leave one back but my own blog wont let me ...Thanks to my hubby Randy for always being here for me no matter what I love you and I am looking forward to my white picket fence I have even seen the one I want at home depoe :-) I love you babe