Memories

 ***EDIT  I believe we had been suffering from Toxic black mold  I found out in Feb 2016 ****

"If I had a single flower for every time I think about you, I could walk forever in my garden". In Loving Memory Of Tegan and Taylor ~~ February 4,2005~~
Back on that day I was laying in a hospital bed sick at my stomach and today here I am on a new antibiotic sick to my stomach ...
I hope I feel better after a while I would like to go get some balloons to take up to the cemetery and take a picture of Rylan ..I tried to explain to him who his sisters are last night but he doesn't really get it yet ... Its hard for me to fathom never knowing Rylan.. If Tegan and Taylor or Wyatt had lived Rylan would never of been born ...so while I miss them so much and think of them everyday ...through them I now now have the most perfect little boy in the world. Its a very odd feeling to go through because I know for sure Rylan would not be here if they had lived...

On another note I will be blogging a lot for the next 3 to 5 weeks ..I went to the pulmoligist yesterday and he thinks I have a bronchitis that has not cleared up with the other antibiotics so he put me on a stronger one (and cheaper too LOL) and also prednizone for a burst for the next 2 weeks and stronger spinhaler of advair ..oh and a peak flow meter to measure my breaths twice a day .
I felt like such a doofus at my appointment trying to explain all that I have tried and been through since last July...... OMG you guys its been a nightmare and trying to explain all the ups and down was starting to confuse me as I was explaining it...
Crazy~ness I tell ya plain crazy~ness ..So I am going to blog everything about how I feel ..So now with my plan and all them drugs, I am going start walking daily and try to loose some of the weight I have put on and see if that helps too...

So at my pulmonary function test they gave me albuteral in a neubualizer form and it didn't burn my lungs and I think it made me breath a little easier I need to remember that...
I took my first antibiotic last night at dinner ( at the Mexican restaurant) we prayed before I took it that this will fix me up.. I had no nausea ... took a ambien before I went to bed slept great all night till 7am.....
Took my antibiotic and my prednizone about 7:30 am with apples and some crackers ended up with some nausea about a 4 on the scale
breathing is at about a 2 right now at 9:25 am
dry hacky cough I am unsure if I am supposed to take the advair with the lower does right now so I think I will take it ...
I start the stronger advair when I am down to 3 prednizone pills a day.....

In Loving Memory of Tegan and Taylor..

JUST FOR A MOMENT (cited in A Silent Love)

Our hands have touched, our paths have crossed
A love is gained, a love is lost
Just for a moment I kissed the face
Of an innocent child I can't replace.

Just for a moment a maternal touch
Would say the words that meant so much
A soft caress, the gentle tears
That made those minutes last for years.

Just for a moment, I held your hand
My broken heart in your command
So much to tell you, so little time
Why was we punished, what was the crime?

They took part of me when they took you away
As much as I loved you, you weren't meant to stay
I gave you a hug that for always must last
As facing the future means leaving the past.

Our souls have merged, I live for you
Perhaps I'm living your life too
I will carry on; I can always stand tall
Because just for a moment, I had it all.