Grandma Passed last wednesday..

Today is,well would of been Billys 35th birthday still wierd that he is gone ...My Grandma passed away last wednesday ..the hospice nurse came at about noon and said she couldn't even get a blood pressure my Mom got here about 1 pm and then my Grandma took her last breath at 2:46pm both my Mom and I were with her when she passed...we were telling her we loved her and how proud her Mom and Dad were going to be when they got to see her. Wow, I just can't believe how hard it was to see her go downhill so quickly. I will blog about it soon, but right now I am still just trying to recover phycicaly and get my house in some kind of order and need to take the boys out to do something fun ..The breavement counseler will be coming tomarrow..... I may just call and cancel because the kids and I seem to be doing ok ...I was a bit worried about how Rylan would deal with it at his age, but he is used to death I guess.. we have always went to the cemetery since soon after he was born so for him its just a normal part of life.... in a way I think its good, but in a way it makes me sad that its so normal for him ....oh well, just wanted to update so anybody who reads my blog knows that I havn't fallen off the face of the earth ...

Then he died...

about Midnight my older brother, his wife and my nephew, Billy's oldest son, Billy, went down to the cafeteria.... I thought since he had been in surgery so long that it was a good sign...I had just asked someone the time because the cafeteria was still locked up and they said about another 5 minutes till it opens..... Randy then came down from upstairs up and told us that the doctors had just came in and told them that Billy was not doing well at all, he had had 2 heart attacks and they didn't think he was going to make it...
I wonder if they do this when they know a person is going to die and they want to prepare you for when they are going to let you know its not going to work out ???? Anyways 2 doctors came back out a while later and told us it was over they had done all they could do but he was gone ...My Mom said if he could donate any organs that she would want that done...But I guess after all his body had been through there really wasn't anything that could be given away....
The docs said the nurses were going to clean him up then we could go back and see him, so that's what we did..

Tomarrow will be the 4th

It will be 1 month ago tomarrow/today depending on when you read this that my baby Brother shot himself ...gosh a month it seems like its been a lifetime but then is seems like it was yesterday ....
the phone call hearing my Mom voice it the background screaming not like screaming, screaming but that Oh My God he shot himself in disbelief screaming ....I did not even ask where he had been shot when John called, just hung up the phone and told Randy we had to go to the hospital.... "Billy had shoot himself"
Mindi was here we had just started working on my Moms Christmas present from Mindi...Mindi also had bought the boys new sweaters to get their pictures taken in ..those sweaters are still sitting on the end of the couch...
On the way to the hospital My SIL Anita called or My brother James I can't remember and told me Billy had shot himself in the chest... I thought OMG it won't be good, I was thinking earlier that maybe he shot himself in his head ...well when we arrived at the hospital someone told me that he was shot in the shoulder and I breathed a sigh of relief and thought, "well he will be ok then" ... Then a while later the ER doc came in and said it didn't look good but they were going to try and operate but he had lost half of his lung and damaged some very big artery's and lost 2 full body's worth of blood...the doc didn't think he could even handle the anesthesia for the surgery ...
Did you know when you have some one with a very life threatening condition they let your family stay in a private little room by the ER ? I did not know that till the 4th of December 2010...
Billy Forever 34